


fracture (and burn)

by Lovelylime



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, F/F, let's go lesbians and bi gals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelylime/pseuds/Lovelylime
Summary: When you think about it, most births are meaningless. Children created just for the purpose of bringing more life into the world, seldom because of any grander design. Life driven by biological instinct, a sense of need, not for any conscious reason.Agnes Montague was made with a purpose: to burn.
Relationships: Agnes Montague/Jude Perry
Kudos: 11





	fracture (and burn)

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to mag 139 and 145 and was like *cracks knuckles* its dyke time. 
> 
> fair warning this does end pretty sad

[2005]

When you think about it, most births are meaningless. Children created just for the purpose of bringing more life into the world, seldom because of any grander design. Life driven by biological instinct, a sense of need, not for any conscious reason. But Agnes was different. 

Agnes Montague was made with a purpose: to burn. To be the holy, cleansing fire of destruction that would crush the world into ash in a glorious ritual; to be the avatar of an otherworldly god. She was born on a pyre, more a symbol and than a living person, if she’s a person at all. If any of the Lightless Flame can count as people. Agnes is everything to them; the manifest of all their desires, the culmination of everything they’ve worked for. She knew that from the beginning, and saw that in the clumsy way they tried to raise her as both a saviour and a tool. But most of all she sees it in Jude. 

Jude Perry, destruction incarnate. Jude Perry, who worshipped Agnes not just as a god, but as a woman. Jude Perry, who so desperately waits for Agnes to unleash her fire. 

Jude’s the only one who consistently sees through Agnes’ facade. The veneer of docility and courtesy she wears over the forest fire inside of her. Arthur, Diego and the others seem content with her quiet, contained demeanor, probably because it reassures them of her status as a tool for their fiery revolution. But Jude knows her. From the first moment they met, (Agnes cordial and shy, Jude openly in awe) she saw right down to that bonfire. 

[1990]

“--and you’ve already met Eugene here,” Arthur was saying after introducing Agnes to most of the Lightless Flame’s newer recruits, the ones who weren’t there when she was growing up. Agnes didn’t really take note of any of them. She smiled, refraining from shaking hands, and they all accepted her immediately as a shy, sweet girl, sorting her into the assigned role as the baby of the group. Not Eugene, or the other members who’d shared the unfortunate task of raising her and mitigating her violent tantrums, but these new members didn’t seem like they’d heard any of those stories. Arthur went on, gesturing to the final and newest member saying, “And this is Jude Perry, our latest.” 

Agnes turned, smiling reflexively--only to freeze when Jude Perry met her eyes. Jude didn’t look at her, or through her, but _in _her. Her gaze was so full of hope and want and determination and _desire_ for Agnes that for a second Agnes thought she had lost control and accidentally ignited the place. __

__“They really did it,” Jude said after a pause. “They really made the one to burn it all down.”_ _

__From that first glance Agnes and Jude were nigh inseparable._ _

__[2005]_ _

__Sometimes Agnes wishes the Desolation had never existed, if only so she could have ever touched Jude. She was looked at with such longing, but all the yearning in the world wouldn’t make up for the fact that if she ever tried to give Jude a kiss, it would kill her. When Agnes had expressed this, whispered into the sleeve of Jude’s jacket as the two of them lay on the grass in the night, Jude had laughed and said it would be worth it to be with Agnes. She said it as a joke, but Agnes knew she was being deadly serious._ _

__To Jude, Agnes was _everything_. Jude lived for destruction alone, and what was Agnes if not the ultimate bringer of pain and misery? Agnes was the promise of a glorious future, of all Jude had ever wanted coming true, and beyond that just a damn beautiful girl. _ _

__And Agnes wanted, dearly, to give that to Jude. To fulfill the wishes of the woman who’d cherished her since the day they met; full of sincerity and longing, and utterly unafraid._ _

__But._ _

__But, the ritual the Archivist had managed, tying down her fate._ _

__But, the horrible slither in her gut where doubt made its home._ _

__This was her purpose, her reason for being, her glorious mandate as the worldly avatar of the being they all worshipped. But Agnes knows that she can’t do it._ _

__She’s not sure when she realized it. She fought the feelings off for some time, refusing to admit the possibility that she would fail at the only task she had ever needed to complete. But as years passed, she couldn’t escape the fact that Archivist or not, she couldn’t do it. Agnes was full of blistering fire, but none of the conviction that the Desolation required. So when she lay with Jude, Agnes found her heart constricting more and more in the face of Jude’s total and complete faith in her. Jude had given her everything, and the only thing Agnes would have given in return, she couldn’t do._ _

__Still yet to admit this horrible defeat to the people who pinned their hopes on her, Agnes continues her life as normal, and the Lightless Flame continues waiting. But she knows. She can’t hide the truth forever._ _

__[2006]_ _

__It was the coffee shop boy, in the end, who was the catalyst for the exposing of Agnes’s failure. After that, Agnes volunteered her life, purpose spent._ _

__The others were mad, betrayed, but Agnes couldn’t have cared less. She was never doing it for them. The only burning stab of regret in her stomach was betrayed Jude, her Jude. Her fiery, uncontrollable, beautiful Jude._ _

__They weren’t given any time alone together before it happened. Up on the platform, before the world dropped out beneath her feet and ended, Agnes looked Jude in the eyes, tears steaming on her cheeks, and mouthed, “ _I’m sorry._ ” _ _

__[2007]_ _

__It can probably be no consolation to Agnes now, but if she rests anywhere, she can rest assured that there will never be a day where Jude Perry looks upon her with anything less than love and adoration. Her cherished, beautiful Agnes._ _

**Author's Note:**

> validate me seeliecourts.tumblr.com
> 
> also i love you


End file.
